I felt real emotional and needed to get some thoughts out of my head (probably a combination of that and the end of the semester papers). So these next few words truly come from the heart.
I completely and wholeheartedly LOVE my Mama and Grandma. They are the reason I am the woman I am today. Trust me when I say ‘Thankful’ cannot begin to describe the words and feelings i have. The adopted me at birth but in essence, I consider them to be my birth parents. However, I would be lying to myself if I didn’t say that at least 2-3 times a week I do not think about where and who I came from. It’s only natural for a human being to wonder from whence they came.
On many, many occasions, I have felt like seeking out the woman who birthed me. Other days I feel discouraged and treat it like an unattainable goal. I can’t help but think about her every time I go to the doctor for a physical and they ask about family history. I can never can answer that question. You walk around and see people that favor you, and can wonder if you are related to them. Sometimes I even think that it was a within the family adoption, because I really do look like my family. I know they say when you have been with someone for so long, you begin to look like them, but for me this is too close for comfort. My Mama told me that my biological mother was just 13 and really had no idea what to do with a child. So if nothing else, at her tender age she just wanted me to have a better life. Oftentimes I wake-up thinking, I wish I could just tell her that I’m okay.
As we approach 2014, I ponder the thought of gathering all the courage within my soul to finding her…maybe one day soon.
And as I type I realize I have taken a major step just by writing this post. One step at a time.