This isn’t a regular post. In fact, this post may be very simple in that it’s a post written to give you guys a reminder. So, uh, work with me okay?
Since I decided to take social media more seriously, following people that used the tools of online communication to teach what they know and to enlighten, I’ve grown in becoming very attached. Before I go to bed (which would be around 2 or 3am) and as I wipe away any sleep that rests in between my eyelashes as I wake up, I check my phone, in hopes of joining a conversation about police brutality, feminism, diversity in media, and so on. I scroll and scroll in search of something to talk about that the timeline is already speaking amongst themselves with, and firing back at those two or three people that have that itch to give in their unneeded two cents. My contribution to social media in the past few months has garnered me over 650+ followers on Twitter, and over 200+ on Tumblr. And I remember the feeling I got, knowing people were following me because they liked my content. They liked what I had to say, how I said it, and how it made them feel.
That’s great. It really is. What’s not great is what happens when I’m not on social media. When I close the app, close my laptop shut, and am given a moment of silence. How I treat that silence, that chance to let some meditation in. To clear my head of all of the news and conversation that I just indulged in.
What happens with me, personally, is that I begin to feel empty.
Typing this, there’s a wash of emptiness coming over me that I’m fighting, along with anxiety to step out of my comfort zone to do something to COMBAT this emptiness. Because the sad thing is that as I got more followers, I became more empty. As my posts got passed around more, I didn’t feel as assured of myself as I thought I would. Knowing that at the end of the day, my thoughts are the ones I have to live with, and if those thoughts are, for lack of better words, shitty, they can and will put me down.
There’s a facade we create. A blanket we throw over the eyes of the people who follow us, because we have the ability to. We don’t have to be thorough and honest about the trials and tribulations that dictate how we go about our day to day. And three weeks into January is still fresh into the new year, but we must be able to see what’s holding us back and make sure we work on that.
I know how easy it is to get swept up in the chats that happen through the hashtags on Twitter, I know how easy it can be to gain a few followers if we type up juuuuust the right tweet to gain some retweets and favorites… But as someone who has seen what it’s like to get a little lost in what your online life looks like versus the life you live when you sign off, I’m telling you, one is more important than the other. I’m having issues I haven’t dealt with within myself, but I’m gung-ho to solve the issues of others as if I have the plan written out for them.
What about you?
If you feel immediately when you wake up and right before you go to sleep as you walk around your workplace or house or college campus, that life is as much of the drag — then something is up. And you have to fix that. Stepping out of your comfort zone is not easy, no matter how many people say it is. My God. Depending on the person, it can take all of you or just a smudge, but it’s an adjustment that you’re not used to. But we have to disconnect and try.
If you have stress, if you’re heartbroken, confused, angry, depressed, sad, then do the following — Scream. Cry. Bang your fists on a table. Punch a pillow. I’m shedding tears as I type. If you feel a certain type of way, embrace that feeling. Ask for help if you don’t know the answers. Talk to yourself. Write it down. I thought of creating a video diary, where I record myself talking about how my day went, what bothered me, what inspired me, and what I wish for the next day. That seems like an eye opener, a good look in the mirror. If you’d like, grab that idea and do it too. It could be through your webcam or even your phone.
Just be realistic with yourself as best as you can. Want more for yourself. You deserve happiness. You deserve freedom. Don’t worry about “finding” yourself, because you’re not lost. It’s about creating yourself, the person you wish to be.
Disconnect online and connect with yourself.
Your online friends and teachers will always be there.
Featured image from the Super Foods Blog