Who knew the young woman you came across on the black dating website would give you butterflies and have you teaching a dance class? I know it’s amazing, but those are the kind of things love does to a person. Your woman does things nobody has ever succeeded at and you’re still not sure if you want to commit to her. Dude, seriously? Do you need someone to spell it out?
How to know if your girl cares for you
Don’t you wish there were signs to tell you whether the girl you’re dating is a keeper or not? Well, there are plenty of signs and they are as plain as the 5-carat diamond ring in the window but I’m going to take spell out the ways to spot a keeper just in case you’re doubting if this wonderful woman right for you.
You know the woman you’re dating is right for you if she –
- Doesn’t feel as though she needs to call you all the time and ‘check in’ with you. You’re not the boss of her and she shouldn’t be made to feel as though she is sleeping with biological father. Listen, if you can’t trust your girl, you might as well quit the relationship. You’re wasting her time… and yours as well.
- Spends time with her family and friends but doesn’t insist you come along. You each had relationships before you met and you should value time away from one another.
- Keeps her word. The black woman’s word is her bond. When she tells you that she’s picking you up at 9, she means be ready cause she’s on time!
- A goal digger and day dreamer. If the woman you’re dating supports your dreams and encourages you to move forward in life, she’s a keeper!
- Independent. A woman who opens her own doors and pulls out her own credit card is likely not going to need you, but rather, she wants you. Understand the difference and appreciate she chose you.
- Appreciates the small things you do for her and for the relationship. Little things like making the bed or dinner when she’s running late goes a long way in growing and strengthening the relationship.
- Doesn’t check your phone. When your girl refuses access to your phone, it’s a sign she trusts you so when the phone rings at two in the morning, it had really been Tyrone or your cousin calling.
- Puts you in check. The black woman will not put up with your childishness. At the same time, she will listen to the man she respects when he must call her out after she’s hit a new high or low.
- Leaves you alone. Sometimes we walk away from heated conversations and this can be a good thing. Allowing each other space when we can’t talk about the issues will have better results than forcing a conversation or an argument.
- Strategically places little notes in your pocket. The woman who plants little notes or photos in unsuspecting places is thinking of you more often than you know. She’s telling you that she cares.
Ways to ruin a good thing
Now that we’re clear on what a terrific person your girlfriend is, here are some ways in which to destroy an otherwise healthy relationship.
- Just feed her a lie. It doesn’t matter if it was a little lie, you may wish you hadn’t. Always tell the truth, even if it hurts. The one thing about a woman is that she can forgive an honest mistake, but a lie diminishes trust and once the trust is gone, there’s difficulty ahead.
- Take advantage of her. When you start taking a woman for granted, you put the relationship in jeopardy.
- When you won’t open wide or even a little and show emotion. If you love her, at some point, you will have to let your guard down. Don’t keep a woman guessing or at bay unless you want her to leave you.
- Be wishy-washy. Don’t do one thing and say another. Make up your mind and stick to a decision as going back and forth is emotionally challenging.
- Pull out too soon. Just when she lets down her guard, you run, leaving her wondering and doubting herself, putting the blame on her as if she’s done something to hurt you. This is so not cool.
- Make her over. Honey, she is who she is and you can’t change that. If there are some issues in the relationship, communicate to her what’s wrong and come to an understanding or compromise.
Determining a good girl or whether she’s a keeper or not is easy. You must know what you want in a woman and be able to handle love when you get it. Treat your lady as you would treat your mother because they deserve the best.
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Jamie Broadnax is the creator of the online publication and multimedia space for Black women called Black Girl Nerds. Jamie has appeared on MSNBC's The Melissa Harris-Perry Show and The Grio's Top 100. Her Twitter personality has been recognized by Shonda Rhimes as one of her favorites to follow. She is a member of the Critics Choice Association and executive producer of the Black Girl Nerds Podcast.