Some things change, and some things stay the same. These are church announcements for episode two of Greenleaf
His name is Skanks. Could you serve under someone named Skanks, even in the name of Jesus? Basie Skanks is the pastor of rival church Triumph. Now, Skanks is scary to me. He’s an opportunist, and he speaks in Scripture. You can’t trust someone who only speaks in the context of the Bible. It means they have no life and don’t know how to communicate and they want something. So, after the surprise announcement that Jacob will become the pastor of the new location of Triumph, Jacob decided to have a chat with him. No matter what Jacob says, Skanks has a ready comeback that somehow always seems to land as an insult to the Greenleaf family. We don’t know what’s up with BasieBase just yet, but I’m curious to know what his agenda is.
Basie Skanks has a wife who looks and acts as if she’s just been plucked off the farm and colored her hair in the dark. She’s kind of skanky and offers Jacob and Kerissa the parsonage. She gives Kerissa a showing of the property which looks like something I used to live in during the dark years. Kerissa cannot pick her face up off the floor.
Sidebar: Why are all the Greenleaf children all living at home with their spouses. Gigi was the only one who left? Did Jacob discuss compensation for this new position and all this mic access? Why can’t Jacob and Kerissa get a place of their choosing? Why? I have questions.
Rick Fox sure is fine. Good lawd. I may need to repent.
Mae’s flowery, poetic diatribes give me pause and a little bit of life. That woman is tragically flawed, but her command of the English language is exemplary. She’s so churchy, and I believe she would cut you if you dare. Don’t even think it.
The storm seems to have passed over Calvary. The abusive, perverted father of the McCready Clan has helped clear the good Bishop’s name, and yet, there is another addition to of the many clouds hanging over Calvary. Gay is back on the menu. Carlton is married to a man, and the deacon board is not having it. Lady Mae wants Gigi to fire him, Gigi pulls Charity in to intervene, and she doesn’t feel like it, so Lady Mae does it herself. I smell litigation. I feel a litigious spirit in the atmosphere.
Sophia has a crush on a singing boy in a bouffant and skinny jeans. His name is Isaiah, and he is the kind of celebrity only church can make. Zora lets her know where and when he rehearses and gives her a lesson on sliding into DMs. I’m not sure what that cello-accompanied pseudo-spiritual secular rendition was or that little tune Isaiah was singing, but one thing I know is the definition of music is sound in time. Anything else is noise. It was the latter. Guard your spirit.
Skankiepoo has said one too many times “I am your brother” to Jacob. Is Jacob this stupid? How can he not know he is being set up? The Skank has a perm, for heaven’s sake. Got Jacob going door to door to do his Skanky bidding.
Tasha Skanks, what’s up with that house?
Deborah Joy is just so lovely. Poor Charity. With all her faith, even she knows she cannot compete with a man who wants other men. She does let Kevin get a little closer. Does he not know he can’t pray it away? I guess not, considering he’s in conversion therapy. Charity and her husband struggle to reconnect. Kinda makes me mad – the full figured, dark skinned woman with the gay man. She’s beautiful and talented and “did everything right,” yet, she suffers because she settled.
The lady, Lynne Whitfield, is a force. “Daddy’s dying today.” Lady Mae has other priorities. Bishop Greenleaf has a talk with his wife about Jacob. “He’s drank the Kool-aid you brewed” (Bishop is cold). He calls Mae out on a few things that she does not want to hear, but she’s smooth with deflection and redirection: What is the truth about Basie?
Grace is a fully realized woman living out her faith. I like seeing her happy. We usually don’t get more than her signature sneer. Now shorty fine took her to eat and got her dancing. What many men miss is this is the formula that is guaranteed to get results. Did I mention how fine he is? Hold on; I need a moment…
These family secrets. They feed on the inside out. Wonder who will be the first to break?
Pride indeed cometh before the fall
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Caron J is a writer, artist, activist and the host of CARONISM Show on 1001TheHeat radio, Culture & Entertainment Contributor and Co-host of BlackGirlNerds and the BGNPodcast. In her spare time, she is a lover of all things beautiful, a hot granny and a pimp. @caronism