Actress Gwyneth Paltrow recently had something to say about Black women. She expressed her deep admiration and inspiration for Black women and pointed out that white women should learn from them.
While the Oscar Winner’s statements had good intentions, many people responded by saying that her speech was off the mark.
Let’s revisit what was said and view her words through a more critical lens.
What Did Gwyneth Paltrow Say About Black Women?
Before getting to the details, I’d like to say that this article isn’t meant to shame the Iron Man actress. What she said was honest and overall positive. However, putting Black women on a pedestal with compliments and praise doesn’t always provide them the support they need.
During the 2024 MAKERS Conference on Thursday, February 29th, Paltrow made the following statements during a conversation with Dr. Ella Bell.
“I’ve learned so much from my Black friends about ruthless self-acceptance and full love of self,” she said. “I think we, as white women in this culture, have a lot to learn from our Black sisters and the way in which they respect themselves. And I’m not sure exactly where that comes from.”
She further comments, “My Black women friends know themselves, love themselves, in a way that I think White women are not taught to. I think white women are taught to be competitive with one another — which is something I’ve tried to work so hard to dispel because I don’t believe in competition between women — but we’re raised to be competitive, to be jealous, to look over each other’s shoulders. And, the Black women in my social circle, they don’t do that,” she points out. “There’s an immediate acceptance and safety and appreciation.”
Niceties aside, her statement lacks cultural awareness and an understanding of what Black women had to go through and still go through to reach a place of self-love and acceptance. Her statement makes me wonder if she sees Black women as higher beings unaffected by typical human emotions such as jealousy, envy, and hate. In fact, society has taught women the opposite of what Paltrow preached.
Black Women and Self-Love
Do Black women practice self-love in a more visceral way than other women? Perhaps. The Goop founder is not far off by saying that some Black women have vibranium-strong self-love. However, what the actress paints as talent or a particular skill was created out of necessity. Self-love is also something that many Black women don’t experience.
Self-love has become mandatory for survival for myself and other Black women. It is a character trait and a shield against the real world. The world tells us we are unprofessional if we wear our hair how it grows naturally. Society tells us that if we speak in our regular voice, we’re being too aggressive. If we don’t hide the natural curves of our bodies, we are hyper-sexualized.
I think it’s important that women from any background practice self-love, and I appreciate that Paltrow sees this in her Black friends and values it. However, her statements may hide the fact that self-love is mainly a challenge for Black women. Studies have shown that Black girls are more likely to experience low self-esteem and inadequacy than their white counterparts.
Perhaps a better statement would be that Black women had to endure so much to cultivate self-love. If they can do it, any woman of any ethnicity can.
Black Women Against One Another
While Paltrow doesn’t feel like Black women are competitive with one another the same way white women are, society has portrayed it otherwise. One of the most common examples is in the music industry. There is often some scandal between female hip-hop MCs about who is better, perpetuating the idea that there can only be one successful Black female rapper.
Another example is in the workplace. Dr. Kimani Norrington-Sands, a Black Woman Licensed Clinical Psychologist and toxic Job Survivor, wrote about her experience with a co-worker. She expressed that a fellow Black co-worker approached her and said she knew exactly what Dr. Norrington-Sands was good at and what she wasn’t good at because her co-worker had been observing her. This is an example of intimation practices often seen in competitive workplace environments.
While the Black women in Paltrow’s circle may not compete against one another, the competition between Black women elsewhere can be fierce.
Should White Women Learn from Black Women?
One of Paltrow’s strongest statements was that white women should learn from Black women. Is this a statement that needs to be followed through? Should white women start contacting Black women and asking for their self-love tips? Should white women seek the counsel of Black women on how to be less competitive?
One of Paltrow’s strongest statements was that white women should learn from Black women. Is this a statement that needs to be followed through? Should white women start contacting Black women and asking for their self-love tips? Should white women seek the counsel of Black women on how to be less competitive?
The answer is no, but here’s what white women can do instead. They can follow the examples and replicate some characteristics they see in Black women. However, they should not expect Black women to teach them anything unless Black women choose to.
Instead, white women, including Paltrow, should focus more on advocating for Black women by doing the following:
- Educate yourself through books such as The Bluest Eyes by Toni Morrison
- Ask your Black friends how you can better support them
- Donate to organizations that support mental health for Black women, such as Therapy For Black Girls and The Loveland Foundation.
Remember that fighting against sexism, racism, and misogyny helps tear down the pillars that hold up the patriarchy.
